I look at the pictures of the laughing women.
Beautiful, impeccably dressed,
Perfect jeans, perfect hair, perfect bag, perfect heels.
Caught mid-laugh, or smiling wide for the camera
Perfect teeth, blindingly white.
Make up—perfect, not a flaw to be seen.
They line up for the picture,
Arms around one another
And the picture is snapped,
Perhaps by a waitress or random bar patron.
The perfect moment captured forever--
The perfect group having a perfectly wonderful time.
These are the women
I wanted to be.
This is the group to which
I desperately longed
To belong.
I'm not in the picture.
I was the square sucking in her gut,
Starving herself in a desperate attempt to
Fit into the circle.
I was the third wheel that tried
Not to squeak.
My smile--wasn't as bright,
My make-up--all wrong
My clothes--second-hand
My shoes--clunky
My gait--awkward.
Though I was there,
I really wasn't.
I allowed myself to be
a shoulder to cry on
here.
a sounding board,
hear.
a helping hand
there.
During those times
I felt needed.
I felt like a part of something.
I felt like I finally found my place.
Then, in an instant,
The problem was solved,
The problem was forgotten,
And everyone had moved on.
I wasn't needed anymore.
I'd find myself outside trying
To find a way back into the circle.
There were a few
who went out of their way
To make me feel at home.
To make me feel welcome…
To remember I was there.
Even so,
The group, collectively,
spoke volumes
in their indifference.
I just smiled and
masked my hurt feelings.
After college,
I reached out
time and
time again.
Hoping for
an email
a letter
a phone call
a word.
Nothing ever came.
Over the years,
Life has changed
Time has passed.
Crises have arisen.
Choices have been made.
Some friendships have been forgotten,
While others, forged in fire, will endure forever.
Now.
Time has blessed me with vision
Now.
I know who I am.
Now.
I know who they are, too.
Now.
I look at the pictures of the laughing women.
Beautiful, impeccably dressed,
Perfect jeans, perfect hair, perfect bag, perfect heels.
Caught mid-laugh, or smiling wide for the camera
Perfect teeth, blindingly white.
Make up—perfect, not a flaw to be seen.
They line up for the picture,
Arms around one another
And the picture is snapped,
Perhaps by a waitress or random bar patron.
The perfect moment captured forever--
The perfect group having a perfectly wonderful time.
These are the women
I wanted to be.
This is the group to which
I desperately longed
To belong.
I'm not in the picture.
I never will be.
And that is perfectly fine with me.
Recipe: An Elena. (An Alcoholic Drink)
Why an alcoholic drink? Because, frankly, I needed about two or three Elenas to calm myself down when I wrote this poem.
What is an Elena, you ask???
The Elena is a drink I named after my husband's cousin. She is an incredible soul--quite funny and someone, I would imagine, would have been one of my dearest friends had we met in college--She's fun-loving and witty, to boot. She's quite a good friend now. :) My husband and I drove up to her home in Shrewsbury, PA to have dinner and hang out with her and her hubby. She served me a simple drink, ginger ale spiked with peach schnapps. No measuring...just added however much alcohol I wanted. Let me tell you...that night, I found my new favorite drink.
The drink is quite tasty and I introduced it to my sister when I went to visit AZ at Christmas last year. She asked me what is was called...it didn't officially have a name, so I dubbed it the Elena, in honor of the ORIGINAL Elena.
An Elena:
One glass. Doesn't matter what kind...high ball, low ball...a pilsner glass...use a margarita glass, for all I care.
Cold Ginger ale (for a twist on this recipe, use cranberry ginger ale...it tastes great! BUT don't bother trying it with the green tea ginger ale that is out there--it is horrible.)
Peach Schnapps, preferably Peachtree Schnapps.
Generally, I pour 2 parts ginger ale to 1 part schnapps...if you don't want to measure, just pour in schnapps until the glass is almost full. If you want a stronger drink pour a little ginger ale, then a little schnapps...a little ginger ale...a little schnapps...etc..etc...If you want to be a fancy-pants show off...you may use a shaker to mix this drink.
Ice is optional.
It is best served ice cold.
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