Perpetual Tug of War. (SOS)

A breath away from homelessness
it struggle never ends
What I wouldn’t give for blessed rest
Some days I wonder
if I would be better off
Dead and gone
Without a single care
no bills
no worries
just peace
just silence

just--

Reality of that thought hits me
The sin of that mindset
Makes me come to.
Only God will take my life
(However worthless it may be.)
We’ve tried for so long
We’ve worked for so long
To see those years wasted
To see our hands bare
Still empty.
thirty years and still
nothing.
Where were those American dreams we had?
Faded in time
The dream house is a rented shack.
The car, corroding and rusting out back.
The pension lost when he was laid off.
Our best years
working for nothing…
Dust.

More dust.

The dust rapidly rises in the breeze
a sandy wall
blinds me momentarily.
I close my eyes
and think back
on it all.
The years
The times
I lived.
Marriage and kids
Made it all worthwhile
We kept together
In each house
Starved together
in each house
But we made it through.
Loved together
Though it was hard sometimes.
Rejoiced together
Anytime we could.
Mourned together
More often than not.
Wept together
To let it all out.
Laughed together
To keep from weeping.

I open my eyes and peer
Back into our shack.
Home for now.
Now.

Now …

The kids are grown
The rooms where
youthful noise once
Echoed
Now are silent.
I’m left alone…
with my husband
while he wonders
Where the days have gone
Where the years have flown
The days of babies in diapers
Of dresses and pigtails
Of and footballs, baseballs, guitars...
Now live only in my mind,
He wasn’t always there.
He can’t live those times again.

Pain.
My feet ache
My heart aches
My eyes weaken
My resolve wanes
I find myself tired
Just want to rest.
Waiting for time to slip away.
Waiting for better days
Waiting to see what is next.

Waiting.






Recipe: SOS (S*** on a Shingle)

I was thinking of my mother when I wrote this. We never had a whole lot growing up...as a result, we had to be creative in the kitchen. Here's a recipe for one of my absolute favorite meals when I was a child...apparently, dad used to make this for me when I was a toddler...I couldn't get enough of it.

SOS (S*** on a Shingle)

1 can of cream of chicken soup
2 hard boiled eggs (peeled)
2 pieces of bread to make toast.

Cook the soup according to directions.

While soup is cooking, put the peeled eggs into a bowl and smash them up a bit with a fork.

Toast your bread.

Once toast is done, put it on a plate.

Spoon soup over toast.

Sprinkle the smashed eggs over the "shingles".

Eat.