There is no sign pointing the way
There is no voice leading me onward
I’m standing here confused and…scared, I must say.
What exactly am I moving toward?
I have a pretty degree, embellished and such,
Proof of an education, I suppose.
It sits somewhere in a box and has not done very much,
I guess that’s how it goes.
Now and then I think of returning
To college, to school, to take a class
To enrich my life, and try my hand at some learning
To use my brain and get off my ass.
I dream and dream and so far I haven’t budged.
What gives? I ask myself. Maybe I’m lazy?
What gives? I think. And think and still don’t budge.
What gives? I thought. I thought maybe I’m just crazy?
I always thought I was unique, I must confess.
I always thought I knew what I was doing.
I always thought I was meant for greatness.
Now I’m not so sure. I have no idea where I’m going.
Who knows? Maybe I’m scared?
Who knows? Maybe I’m intimidated.
Who knows? Maybe I never really cared?
I know this for sure, though; Right now, I’m just plain addlepated.
Discouraged! Frustration builds inside
Why the hell can’t I find my path?!
Science, reasoning, religion I’ve tried and tried…and tried!
Theatre! Writing? Damn. I’ve even tried logic…and oh, how I hate math.
I guess I’m looking for something tangible
Something to hold, something to touch.
I think…I need something accomplishable…
I think…I think I think too much.
Nothing seems to satisfy my creative soul.
I’m happily married now and we have a lovely nest.
I have a gallant husband, my love, my match…I fill a devout wife’s role.
But still, but still, my unfound vocation leaves my mind without rest.
It never quits! I’m driving myself mad.
It never ebbs away! I’m making myself upset with grief.
I'm wishing. I’m wishing I only had…
Whatever it is…to give me blessed relief.
I pray for guidance, not a well lit path. I pray someday I know.
I pray someday I find what I’m looking for.
Maybe one day I’ll have something to show
For all the years spent poor
The years I spent wishing for something more
Than the life I led long ago.
Than the way things were long before…
Marriage, college, and travel…before I hit this endless plateau…
I just want meaningful time in my days.
I want work, honest work for my hands.
I want to explore my creative ways…
I want to know someone really gets me, really understands.
(Is that too much to ask?
Is that more than I should seek?
I should get to task…
Sigh. This could take all week.)
Note:
Still working on this one. Hopefully I'll get back to it soon.
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